my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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