I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
