am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
