rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
