thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Randomize
