see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just want nice things and good sex
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.