So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
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We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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