we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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