i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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