What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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