Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Im part way to drunk.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
