My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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