We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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