Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
