C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
