Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
