with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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