Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
