I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
