just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i think i just lost a toe
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
