Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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