I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
