hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
