bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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