If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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