no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
