You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
