Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
