I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
