Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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