I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
