I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
