I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
