I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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