my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
