Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
