I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
