two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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