you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
