just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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