if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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