I must be too annoying 4 u.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
