just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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