Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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