Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
