I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
