you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
