You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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