You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
