new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
