I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
