We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
