sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
