I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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