You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she pinky promised me she was 18
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
