hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
