it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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