I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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