I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
