So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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