He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
