Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
