i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
