Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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