we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
