she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
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We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Couch. On fire.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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