I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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