So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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