When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
