yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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