She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
